Catch Up Mondays: Mindfulness – Revisited

This was originally posted on August 6, 2012.  I have passed this book on and wish I had kept it for myself.  I guess I will order myself another copy.

About a year ago I saw Goldie Hawn featured on the Dr. Oz television show.  They were discussing a book she had recently written, “10 Mindful Minutes”.  Goldie Hawn had started the Hawn Foundation to support research into developing ways of helping children become healthy and eager learners who can reach their full potential.  A program developed by her foundation, MindUP is used by educators around the world to teach children how their minds work and how their thoughts and feelings affect their behavior.  It gives them tools to help deal with stress, negative feelings, calm their minds, remain focused and develop compassion and empathy for others to ultimately be happy themselves.  I ordered the book thinking it could be just as helpful for adults like me suffering with environmental illness and the depression and isolation it can cause.

The book arrived and I opened it up eager to start reading.  Just as quickly I put it down because I couldn’t stay focused.  I have learned that for me it is best not to force a book (especially one dealing with health and emotional healing) on myself.  When the time is right, I will pick it up.  All I could manage to read during the time were my mystery novels and biographies,  books that took me away from my life rather than forcing me to deal with it.

One night I was lying in bed too tired to be up, too awake to be sleeping and not wanting to watch a movie.  I attempted to sleep.  As I turned to lay my glasses on the night table, 10 Mindful Minutes was there where I had placed it months before.  I picked up the book and started reading.  I found it difficult to put down.

I learned that I needed to be more present in my life, practice mindful sensing (taste, sight, hearing and touch) and the importance of being positive.  I learned more about the brain and the “fight or flight” signals and how easily we can be hijacked by the amygdala in the brain.

The one thing that I know I need to do but am having a hard time getting started so that it becomes a routine is allowing myself ten mindful minutes where I sit and breathe and there are no other distractions.  It is probably the easiest thing to do but the hardest to discipline myself into doing.  Maybe now that I have said it and put it in writing, I can conquer it.

While the book is written with parents in mind for helping their own children grow and be a happier person, I think it is well worth reading for everyone.

Tile floors are great but……

From an Environmentally sensitive person’s standpoint my tile floors are great. I don’t have to worry about what may be lurking underneath the carpet and in the pad.  I don’t have to worry about all the formaldehyde and other chemicals in the carpets either.

But….

1) The dirt is always on the surface for me to see and therefore always needs to be swept or vacuumed or mopped.

2) In the summertime tile floors are great because they keep the house cooler but in the winter I can’t keep warm because the floor tiles are so cold.

3) My grandchildren were born after my illness and therefore during my tile floor time.  The first two managed to learn to walk without too many falls or any major injuries on my hard floors.  Grandchild number three is learning to walk and I am more scared than I was with the other two.  I think it is because he gets so excited he practically tries to run.  The only way he can walk at my house is outdoors on the lawn or if I am holding his hand and he doesn’t want that.

4) “n my old life” I would just have to sweep and mop the kitchen and baths and run the vacuum across the carpet.  Now I sweep and mop my entire house.

5) Tile is extremely slippery when wet.  I have experienced this twice in the last month.  The first time I was in the kitchen and my husband had just filled my granddaughter’s water bottle and must have dripped water on the floor.  I had just gone into the kitchen and wham, my right foot turned in under me and I landed hard on my left knee (my right foot actually swelled and bruised and was much more painful than my knee).  The second experience was a week ago.  I was walking through the living room and this time my left foot turned in under me and I landed on my right knee.  Fortunately this time only my right knee was bruised.  I never see the water or the juice until I am on the floor at ground level with it.  What I do see, is the dirt on the floor where someone has walked over a wet spot on the floor.

Would I give up my hard, sometimes cold tiles for the warmth and softness of carpet?  Yes and know.  I miss sitting or lying on the floor and the softness of carpet pile under my feet.  Having been through all that I have been through I like knowing that there is no hidden dirt under my feet – only what I see on the surface that once again needs to be vacuumed and mopped as I look across the floor.  Maybe it will get done today but most likely tomorrow.  I have had one of my wonderful sleepless nights and my spoons are used up for today.

My question to you – What is on your floors?  Do you like it?  What would you change if you could?

Less Toxic Cleaning Products

Finding cleaning products that don’t cause me to have an allergic reaction took some time. A great resource that I purchased to help me live with less toxicity was, “Less Toxic Alternatives” by Carolyn Gorman  with Marie Hyde.

For me I have found that most free and clear products from Seventh Generation are ok.  I also have found that Super Clean by AFM works as a heavy-duty cleaner and diluted to make a pre-wash spray.  I can tolerate borax and plain baking soda (not the arm and hammer laundry soap).  I use Bon Ami for scrubbing and chlorine free bleach agents made from peroxide.  AFM makes a product called Safety Clean for toilets.

The downside is that my whites don’t get as clean as they used to with all the chemically loaded products and bleach that I used to tolerate.  It is something that I am willing to live with in exchange for less chemicals.

Recently I purchased a system by Lotus that ozonates the water for cleaning.  The water has very good cleaning and sanitizing properties.  I use it for several of my cleaning needs.  I use it for cleaning my floors, kitchen counters and showers.

Another very important purchase for me was a scrubber for my tile floors.  I had tried just using my steamer with pad but it didn’t get the dirt out of the grout or the pits in the tile.  I purchased a scrubber that did a little better on the surface but still did not clean the grout, edges of the tile or get  the dirt out of the pits and crevices in the tile itself.  Out of desperation I decided to purchase a commercial product by Koblenz.  This works great and it turned out to be less expensive that the noncommercial scrubber I had.

I would love to hear from those that read this post how they manage to safely clean their homes.  Please let me know what you have found to be safe.  I am sure others will also benefit from your ideas and suggestions.

Will you always have to live this way?

I have been asked this more times than I care to recount.  I live very carefully and that along with treatments and avoidance has gotten me to where I am today.  I am not totally well and may never be.  I am better than I was before.

Would I want to be able to do all that I did before?  Absolutely!  I loved having my hair done and my nails painted.  I loved going shopping and to lunch with my daughters and friends.  I loved having nice clothes and eating pizza for dinner if I didn’t want to cook.  I loved going to the casino and gambling and I loved being able to go somewhere that required staying over night.  I loved dining with friends in their homes and being able to eat inside and sit and watch a movie or play a game indoors.

Dr. Rea, my environmental doctor from Dallas, told me once that even if I regained the ability to do everything in my old life I would have to be careful.  I am an exposure (mold, pesticide, chemical) away from returning to where I began.  While I may gain some things from my former life back, I can’t abuse them.

I recently read a post from a friend.  She was on the road to recovery and thought she was totally well.  She began doing things again like coloring her hair and painting her nails.  Suddenly, she was hit with an exposure.  Her body, dealing with the added chemicals from hair color and polish, couldn’t handle the additional load.  Our bodies are like a barrel.  Every exposure to chemicals (hair spray, dry cleaning chemicals, shampoos, fabric softeners), foods we are allergic to, pollens and molds slowly fills the barrel.  When the barrel gets too full and our toxic load is to high for our bodies to rid itself of them, it begins to leak causing our bodies to become ill.

For those of you who are on the road to recovery, I think her post “I made it out of here once” says it all about how careful and vigilant we must be to continue to recover and to hold on to the progress we have made.  For those just beginning this journey, I think her post is a testament to the fact that one can improve.  Visit her blog at:  http://the-labyrinth.com/2012/09/10/i-made-it-out-of-here-once/

I think the answer is both yes and no.  Yes I will need to stay vigilant and no because I may get to do more things than I am doing now in the future.

 

A girl just wants her hair to look good

Living in the world of environmental illness/chemical sensitivity puts a lot of restraints on women and their hair.

I have let my hair go gray (started back in 2002) because I cannot use hair coloring.  I have since thought about trying henna.  What if I react to it?  What if I don’t like it?  Worse yet, what if I don’t react and do like it?  Do I have the energy to keep it up?  I find it difficult at times  to keep my hair trimmed in the timely manner it needs to keep me from feeling like a hag.  I can just imagine the disappointment of getting color back in my hair and thereby my face only to have it slip away because I didn’t have the energy to keep it up.

I have a wonderful lady that cuts my hair outside of her salon.  There are styles I would love to try but I have thin/fine hair.  There just aren’t a lot of hair products out there to give volume and holding power for chemically sensitive patients.  I have a gel but it mostly just leaves my hair sticky and stiff.  I had a hair spray that I tried not realizing that although there is no added fragrance, it has alcohol.

I use a basic shampoo and hair conditioner from Magic Botanicals.  I am still looking for products that act like those I used  in the “old days” but are safe for me.  I am curious what others like me are using.  What are your opinions on your own hair?  Do you find that while you want your hair to look nice that you don’t have the energy to fiddle with it like you used to?  Is it easier to just put it in a pony tail and forget about it?

I recently cut my hair shorter than I have had it in a very long time.  The back lays perfectly with its layers and I don’t have to do a thing to it.  I quickly dry the front and push it behind my ears.  I would love volume in the front and on top.  I have done a little gel at the scalp but haven’t been overly succesful with getting fullness.  I am still working on trying to figure a way to get some volume.  Overall, I like the cut but wish there were more products out there that I could use.

Any suggestions from those of you that are struggling with the same dilemma?

Mold Spores, Mycotoxins and Cross Contamination

Many of you living in the US have seen the commercial on mesothelioma.  It talks about if you or a loved one was exposed to asbestos either directly or indirectly  you could experience this form of cancer.  It has taken years for asbestos and the damage it can cause to finally come to the forefront and for these cancers to show up.

When trying to explain cross contamination from mycotoxins and mold spores, I ask if the person I am talking to has seen this commercial.  I explain that it is very similar.  I was exposed to mold spores and mycotoxins where I worked.  I wore those clothes home and sat on my furniture, walked on my carpet, lay down on my bed, sat in my car and those same spores were spread into the air as I walked around the room.  Those aerosolized spores then were sucked in to my computer fan, my refrigerator fan, my air conditioning ducts and anything else that has a fan or takes in air.  I was constantly being re-exposed at work and then through cross contamination in my home and car.

After getting the results from my urine tricothecene test, I was told that I needed to get rid of my things (clothes, computer, cloth furniture, papers).  I was told this just as I was about to make my second trip to the Environmental Health Center-Dallas for testing and to have major surgery.  I ordered new clothes and was told that until I left and something could be done with regard to my furniture that I could cover the furniture with sheets to help protect whatever new I had bought.  I had no idea that I would be in Dallas for most of 2003.  When I came home my husband had built me a new house using safe products, tile floors, etc.  Before coming home I ordered new clothes again and would only come home with the clothes on my back and toss them and shower before coming into my house.  I was determined not to cross-contaminate my safe place.  I did not bring my computer, refrigerator, television, cloth furniture, papers or clothes.  I literally started over.

When I tell those who have asked me questions or sought advice about such things that they need to basically start over, it is overwhelming and hard for them to comprehend.  I remind them that they are just “things” and their health and recovery is more important than “things”.  I understand their pain at getting rid of their belongings.  I understand their fear of re-contamination.  In my book I wrote:

On February 11, 2004, I wrote in my journal, “I hate this aspect of my life. It causes the paranoia. I am so afraid of re-infecting myself that I wonder: even if the allergies get more manageable, will I be able to go out anyway because of this fear of mold and mycotoxin? It has already taken so much of my life away.

I also wrote:  I saw Rick toss out my old stuffed Scotty dog that I had had since I was very little. I saw him toss out my favorite old teddy bear. I saw him pack up old blankets, cloth Christmas decorations, baby clothes that belonged to the girls, baby clothes that were once worn by me. It was devastating!

This illness goes beyond the physical pain of reactions and extends to the raw emotions of getting rid of cherished belongings, being told you are crazy, being told environmental illness and multiple chemical sensitivity does not exist and of learning to deal with isolation and a new way of living.

Thank You

I want to thank all of you who have taken the time to stop by and visit my blog.  I encourage you to sign up and follow via email to get the latest updates on posts and comments.

Yeast Free Bread Recipe Diary

Sat, Aug 4, 2012

Today I made the yeast free bread for the first time in a very long time.  For the flour I chose Bob’s Red Mill All Purpose Gluten Free Flour (garbanzo bean, potato starch, tapioca starch, white sorghum, fava bean).

I substituted Agave for the Sugar or Honey.  I used milk and oil in place of rice milk and melted  butter.  Because I wanted this to be used for breakfast I mixed 2 tsps. of cinnamon/sugar (more cinnamon than sugar) in with the flour.  The results are:  The bread tasted ok but still a little overpowering taste of garbanzo bean and the cinnamon flavor didn’t come through.  I sliced it and toasted it with butter and it was good.  I sliced it and tried French toast.  It took two tries.  The first time my slice was a little too thick.  I think the bread soaked up some of the egg mixture but probably could have used a little more milk in the mixture to help with absorption of a thicker bread.  NOTE:  If using the same exact ingredients I think I would put half the batter in the pan, add some cinnamon sugar (maybe 2 tbs.), add the rest of the batter and swirl with a knife.  I might like to try it using Bette Hagman’s Gluten free flour mixture which can be made by mixing 3 cup rice flour, 1 cup potato starch (not flour) and 1/2 cup tapioca starch.

Kindness

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. —Plato

I recently read this.  Those are powerful words!  I think in the midst of my battle for survival and the courage and hope to keep going, I sometimes forget that I am not the only one fighting a battle.   Others are fighting just as hard.  Their circumstances may be different but their battles no less frightening and painful than mine.

I remember sometimes when I would be in the midst of feeling so lonely, so isolated, so scared that I wouldn’t get better, my husband would remind me that “so and so” was much worse off than me.  Of course, in the midst of my own hurt, I didn’t care if someone was worse than me.  Those were not words I wanted to hear.    It would make me angry.  Angry at him and angry that my pain, isolation, loneliness and fear were not being taken seriously.  Eventually I would calm down as the “fight or flight” action dissipated.  Then I would feel bad that I hadn’t cared about the others, about anyone worse off than myself.

I am trying to not let my own situation overshadow all those who are also suffering.  I am also trying hard to be kinder to myself and be more accepting of my limitations.

I recently read a very well written piece about being kind to ourselves.  You can find it at:  http://juliatuchman.tumblr.com/post/27924568863/pet-shop-prophet

Mindfulness

About a year ago I saw Goldie Hawn featured on the Dr. Oz television show.  They were discussing a book she had recently written, “10 Mindful Minutes”.  Goldie Hawn had started the Hawn Foundation to support research into developing ways of helping children become healthy and eager learners who can reach their full potential.  A program developed by her foundation, MindUP is used by educators around the world to teach children how their minds work and how their thoughts and feelings affect their behavior.  It gives them tools to help deal with stress, negative feelings, calm their minds, remain focused and develop compassion and empathy for others to ultimately be happy themselves.  I ordered the book thinking it could be just as helpful for adults like me suffering with environmental illness and the depression and isolation it can cause.

The book arrived and I opened it up eager to start reading.  Just as quickly I put it down because I couldn’t stay focused.  I have learned that for me it is best not to force a book (especially one dealing with health and emotional healing) on myself.  When the time is right, I will pick it up.  All I could manage to read during the time were my mystery novels and biographies,  books that took me away from my life rather than forcing me to deal with it.

One night I was lying in bed too tired to be up, too awake to be sleeping and not wanting to watch a movie.  I attempted to sleep.  As I turned to lay my glasses on the night table, 10 Mindful Minutes was there where I had placed it months before.  I picked up the book and started reading.  I found it difficult to put down.

I learned that I needed to be more present in my life, practice mindful sensing (taste, sight, hearing and touch) and the importance of being positive.  I learned more about the brain and the “fight or flight” signals and how easily we can be hijacked by the amygdala in the brain.

The one thing that I know I need to do but am having a hard time getting started so that it becomes a routine is allowing myself ten mindful minutes where I sit and breathe and there are no other distractions.  It is probably the easiest thing to do but the hardest to discipline myself into doing.  Maybe now that I have said it and put it in writing, I can conquer it.

While the book is written with parents in mind for helping their own children grow and be a happier person, I think it is well worth reading for everyone.