Out with my clothes again!

On March 1, 2004, I wrote a sad note in my journal: “I have to detox again and throw away my clothes…. I am all alone, she said—No one can enter my world—I speak but no one understands—no one listens—I tell them no mold—and they let me step into it anyway—I am all alone, she says—In my sterile shell of a house—only come in if you dare—adorn a suit of white vinyl—mustn’t make me sick—the woman sits all alone—looking out her window—watching….”

I wrote this shortly after having a bad exposure at a defense doctor appointment.  I was so tired of being sick, being made sick and having to get rid of my clothes and start over.

9 responses to “Out with my clothes again!

  1. I share your pain Kathy! I remember what it was like to part with all our personal belongings and then live in a empty house, with only 2 lawn chairs and the tv in the living room and sleep on an air mattress due to the cross contamination I caused in my home from bringing the mold spores home on my clothing from work and church where I was being exposed…..I still grieve and mourn for the family heirlooms I lost, the mementos I had kept from my children’s growing up years at home….I do understand the pain you felt and the loss of your clothes….

    • Thank you. Yes it was hard to lose things. I hope to have the photos (stored outside) scanned into a digital format so that I can print some of them.

  2. I think that is a great idea!

  3. When I first was diagnosed, I didn’t know what was making me ill–besides reacting to nearly everything–and I couldn’t find a source at all. After testing, I found out that I was really sensitive to fragrance! Funny that, because I had worn it all my life. I knew that if I sprayed it, my nostrils would burn and my eyelids would swell up. But still I did not realise it was on everything I owned until I moved everything out of my house and then–because I could breathe better, and had less symptoms–I knew I had to throw it all out and start again.

    It was heartbreaking, but now, when I look back I can see I’m much better off.

    I wish you luck with starting over!

    • I started over several years ago with the fragrance and new things. The hardest part is trying to incorporate new things. I desperately would love decent living room furniture. I have wicker that I bought 9 years ago and cushions that I bought 8 years ago. In the beginning I used my cotton blankets for cushions. My wicker is starting to look dreadful. I would love a leather recliner. My thoughts are that if I hold out for another year that maybe I can get one and let it outgas for a while and then try a piece in my living room to see how I do.

  4. As I read the above posts, it just reinforces in my heart that I need to be more thankful for what did not happen to me as a result of my toxic mold exposures….not that I am in anyway meaning to diminish what did happen to either of you or to me and my family as a result of the mold. It’s just as I sit here and try and understand your situations in comparison to mine….I can not imagine how I would cope with what you both go through due to the added sensitivities you have now that so far I do not seem to share in common with either of you. I do share a touch of sensitivity now and then to certain perfumes, or cleaning products, and especially to any synthetically reproduced scents, like Scentsy Candles for example, but compared to either of you, it is not even worth mentioning as a health issue for me at this time.

    • This has become my way of life and second nature to do all that I have to do. I try to no longer be angry about it but to just accept it for what it is. I know others who have lost this and so much more because of their mold exposure. I know your story too. You have lost a lot as well. I am grateful to be alive and for what “I CAN DO” and try not to let “WHAT I CANNOT DO” control my life.

  5. I think that your determination to continue to find things that you “CAN DO” is one of the things I admire, respect, and am encouraged by the most about you Kathy! In my heart, that is the real story here, not the mold and the damage it did, but what you have overcome and who you’ve become on your journey of overcoming…..I hope that others like myself who are on our own journies behind you will find your story an encouragement to also find what they “CAN DO” as well…..

  6. Pingback: Goodbye Emerald Green Strappy Heels

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