I am Teasing

While preparing my manuscript, photos, etc. for submission to the publisher, I was asked for additional information:  about the author, about the book, and a 1000 maximum word “teaser”.  I am including a portion of that teaser in my blog today.  It was one of many scary adventures I have had since becoming sick and so sensitive to everything.  Do you think this would entice someone to want to find out more?

That afternoon I could start my treatment using the new IV site and the pump. I began my IV in the kitchen as usual and went into the living room to place the medication bag in the fanny pack that I had received the day before. I was beginning to put the medication bag in the fanny pack when I became very dizzy and decided to read the medication sheet to see if this was a side effect of the medication. Staggering into the kitchen with my medication and fanny pack, I frantically tried to read the data sheet.

By the time I reached the kitchen my vision was going and I could not read the paper. I knew that things were not right, and I hurriedly tried to reach the phone to call for help. As I started back into the living room, I began having difficulty walking. The IV bag dropped from my hands and dragged along the floor as I tried to get to the phone.

The phone was on the table near the sofa. I lost my balance and fell onto the glass coffee table and then landed on the floor between the sofa and the table. I tried to pick up the phone but I had no control over my arm. As hard as I tried, I could not get my arm to move for the phone.

Minutes seemed like hours. I cried and prayed. An eternity seemed to pass before I managed to get the phone in my hand, but it was no use to me if I had lost my vision and could not see the keypad. I tried frantically to just push buttons in hopes of at least getting the operator but nothing happened.

My fear began to grow. I was home alone and I could not get help. Rick had left for a doctor appointment as I was starting to prepare the IV. He would not be home for a while. I could not yell for help because no one would hear me, and at this point I kept going in and out of consciousness. I was so sure that Rick was going to arrive home from his appointment at the doctor to find me dead. I blacked out for a couple of minutes and then managed to find 9 on the keypad. I worked my fingers up and across until I was able to punch the 1 key.

Hopeful that I had punched the right keys, I waited for an answer at the other end. Then there was a voice. I made it through to 911. I spoke with the dispatcher and explained my situation. I told her that I was having an allergic reaction to medication and needed help. The dispatcher assured me that an ambulance was on the way.

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8 responses to “I am Teasing

  1. I like this teaser. However, I suggest using active voice. For example:

    That afternoon I started my treatment using the new IV site and the pump. put the medication bag in the fanny pack and became dizzy. I read the medication sheet to see if dizziness was a safe side effect.

    Here I’m confused…is the medication sheet and the data sheet the same. If so,..the narrator staggers into the kitchen to read….

    Congratulations, I hope this helps.

  2. Thank you. I will look at the text and see what you are talking about.

  3. Hi Kathryn, absolutely! To me, it was suspenseful, and readers like that. I also found it deeply scary, but that’s because I can relate to it (although, I’m nowhere as ill as what you were) and it frightens me this can happen.

    This is just an idea, and if any other writers are reading this, let us know what you think: at Uni we are taught to use sensory descriptions (sight, smell, touch, sound – I may have missed one more) so that the reader gets dragged into the story even more: they feel it as if they were there. It does not work on all readers because not everyone is a deep reader. I am, I just get sucked in and carried away; it does not matter if it’s fiction or non-fiction.

    You already used some of these sensory descriptions: “My fear began to grow.” is feeling. The voice through to 911 is sound. You could describe how the phone felt to touch: cool? Cold? Perhaps you could not feel it because your hand was numb?

    Ps: I had a poem accepted by a publishing magazine. My first: it’s about a bonsai collector and a bonsai tree, I can’t blog it until it’s been published but I’m so excited.

    Keep going in the direction you are going, you are doing so well, and your writing voice is strong and direct. And it flows too. 🙂

  4. I’d start it after the first paragraph. I think the explanation of the medication slows it down. Teasers are always better with less explanation. It’ll leave the audience wondering and wanting more, which is exactly what you want. I’m in the film business, and it’s the same way with movie trailers – less is always more. Heck, the Dark Knight Rises trailer was just a white screen! And it had everyone on the edge of their seat.

  5. Pingback: Blog Award. Maw?

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