Addicted to QVC?

You are probably wondering what QVC has to do with my illness.  I have never been one of those home shoppers.  If I wanted something I went to the store and bought it.

In 2000 at the height of trying to figure out what was wrong with me, the depression mounted and it mounted.  I have spoken in my book about talking to a friend of mine, a lay grief counselor, and telling her that I knew what drove people to suicide.  It is that deep pain that you cannot describe.  Not the physical pain like I had with the sinuses, my left eye, and the whole left side of my face.  It was an inner pain that I could not and to this day cannot truly describe or define.

It was during this time that I found it hard to sit in the family room with my husband and watch television.  I couldn’t stand dramas because I was living in a drama filled world.  I didn’t want to watch comedies because I couldn’t find anything funny in my life and the comedies just made me crawl deeper into my despair.  A few years before this we had purchased a second television for our teenage daughters to sit in our formal living room and entertain friends.  I found myself migrating there most evenings.  I would flip through the channels as in a daze.  One night I landed on QVC.  From then on I was hooked.  Every night after dinner I would plop into an armchair in the living room and tune in to QVC.  I just sat and watched the mindless chatter about purses, shoes, kitchen gadgets and jewelry.  One night while feeling particularly depressed and alone (even though I was not alone) there was a sapphire show.  I watched and for some impulsive moment, I picked up the phone and ordered myself a ring.  I was still managing to work at the time and had it delivered to my work address.

The box arrived!  I was so excited to open it up.  All my co-workers were asking what it was.  Was it a special occasion?  I finally told them no, it was my “depression” ring.  I bought it just for me to see if it would perk me up.

My depression ring.

My depression ring.

I have made only one other impulsive purchase from QVC.  This happened in 2003 while I was sitting in my robe on a futon chair recovering from a hysterectomy, dealing with an exacerbation of all my allergies and sensitivities, and facing a possible sixth sinus surgery.  As I sat in my condo all alone, I found myself once again tuning in to QVC.  This time they were selling beautiful gold ankle bracelets.  I saw one and just had to have it.  Before I picked up the phone to order I called home to my husband in California.  We were spending horrendous amounts of money for my treatment, my condo, and my food.  I wanted to get his permission.  My dear husband, knowing the state I was in, just told me to order it.  I ordered it and wore it a few times while there and then came home with it.  One day I thought I would wear it and when I went to put it on it broke.  So in my jewelry box sits a 14k gold ankle bracelet that cannot be fixed.  The strange thing is that I have never worn an ankle bracelet in my life prior to this and what made me think I wanted one or even would wear one is beyond me.

Being sick, whether your illness is chronic or invisible, often does strange things to your way of thinking.  You are desperate for answers and a cure.  You just want something to make you feel better even for a short while.  I have often told others that if I were a drinking person, I would just be drunk.  You make impulsive decisions or purchases.  I do, however, wear my ring daily as a reminder of where I was and how far I have come since that night sitting in the armchair, staring at the television, and grabbing the phone to place the order.

How many of you find yourselves making these sometimes irrational and impulsive purchases?  If you have, do you think being sick had anything to do with it?  Or did it just exacerbate impulsiveness?

11 responses to “Addicted to QVC?

  1. LOL!!!!!!!!!! LOVED IT—- I AM ADDICTED TO FLOWERS & FLOWER SEEDS & HEIRLOOM SEEDS– FOR OUR GARDEN– FROM FLOWER SEEDS TO VEGGIE SEEDS TO HERB SEEDS– ETC ETC ETC– BUT PRAISE GOD SO IS MY HUSBAND!!! WE ALMOST HAVE OUR HEIRLOOM SEED CATALOGS WORN OUT!!!! 🙂 BUT– IF I GO TO A HOME STORE WITH HUBBY & CAN’T GO INSIDE THE STORE BECAUSE OF THE TOXIC CHEMICALS– I HEAD FOR THE OUTDOOR PLANTS– YOU KNOW THE MARK DOWN ONES– THAT ARE SCREAMING— TO ME— “COME SAVE MY LIFE”!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOMETIMES IT IS A WHOLE CART FULL OF THEM!!! 🙂 WE STILL HAVE PLANTS THAT ARE MY FAVORITES THAT ARE JUST BEAUTIFUL– THAT WERE PART OF MY — HELP SAVE MY LIFE PLANTS!!! WITH MCS– I CAN’T HAVE FLOWERS FROM THE FLOWER SHOP THAT HAVE CHEMCIALS IN THEM & SPRAYED ON THEM– SO I LOVE TO RAISE ALL KINDS OF FLOWERS & I ALWAYS HAVE CUT FLOWERS FROM MY YARD IN OUR HOME IN SEASON–MINE IS FLOWER SEEDS & SAVE MY LIFE PLANTS– &&& I WEAR AN ANKLE BRACLET ALL THE TIME–I HAVE FOR YEARS– NAKED WITH OUT IT!! 🙂 LOVED YOUR BLOG KATHERN— I HAVE NEVER WATCHED QVC– WOULD PROBABLY BE ADDICTED!!!!! LOL!!!

    • It doesn’t have the same hold on me that it had in the worst of the depression days. I still occassionally tune in to it and listen and watch as I am doing other chores around the house.

      • GOOD FOR YOU KATHERN– THE PLANTS & HEIRLOOM SEEDS “DO” HAVE A HOLD ON ME!!! 🙂 I ENJOYED YOUR BLOG POST– & COULD TOTALLY RELATE!!! IT IS OVER CAST HERE & COLD TODAY– DON’T LET ME EVEN CLOSE TO PLANTS TODAY THAT WOULD BE SCREAMING “SAVE MY LIFE” I WOULD BUY THEM ALL!!!! 🙂

  2. Pingback: Addicted to QVC? | allergictolifemybattle | sondasmcschatter

  3. Kathryn, my heart goes out to you and all you’ve been through. I do understand the cavernous emptiness of depression. Years ago when I was a single mother, I was in the very deepest and suicidal depression of my life. And then more recently, my first year in California was very dark and lonely, but nowhere near what I experienced when I was young. I was able to pick myself up and begin to build a life there (and then we ended up moving back home to MI, miraculously…I choose to believe the Universe rewarded me), which I feel might have been possible because of my gluten free (and dairy-free and yeast-limited) diet, and of course maturity. I do wish I had all the money I spent on trying to make myself feel better that first year in California. Thank goodness I started writing, or we’d be broke!

    http://www.westcoastposse.com/2/post/2012/11/what-if-id-said-just-drive.html

    • Thank you Kim. I just read the post you linked to. It made my heart break. I am so glad you didn’t “just drive”. An amazing woman and an amazing story full of hope and love. Would you mind if I shared it with my readers in the form of a post?

  4. Aww, Kathryn…I would be absolutely delighted! And I’m honored you took the time to read it. I feel like I should do some editing (the missing subject in the first sentence, for instance), but it was a #JustWrite exercise, so I’ve resisted the temptation thus far. Either way, I’m honored that you have asked.

  5. Retail therapy has become a comfort to me, especially with the wide, wonderful world of online shopping. The worst is when they send emails that say “free shipping – today only!!!” Then it feels more like just going to the store, which may be all I really want. Most of the time these trinkets cheer me up a bit, and when they don’t I put myself on shopping-probation for a bit.

    I can also definitely relate to not wanting to watch drama or comedy because life sucks that much.

  6. When I’m terribly depressed (which has not happened in at least 1 year) I usually buy food. Not a good thing to do when you’re trying to lose weight.

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