I have talked many times about my illness and my daily battle with depression. I have also said that I am a survivor. In surviving I have had to focus more on surviving and less on the unhealthy aspects of being the victim. I placed the following post on this blog May 7, 2012.
We all have had bad things happen to us. Some have been in accidents, some have had someone treat them badly, and others like myself have developed unusual and life threatening illnesses. As Joel Osteen has said, “Trouble is inevitable, misery is optional.”
For the first several years I was angry at what happened to me, angry at my workplace where I got sick, angry at friends I lost because I could no longer do what I did before, and angry at the defense’s medical doctors for not believing me and that my workplace had made me ill.
I was a victim and stayed in the victim role with all my anger penetrating deep into my soul. During my treatment I was constantly with others who were as ill as I was. We shared stories and tried to comfort each other. However, they felt as angry and victimized as I did, and the more I was around them the more angry and victimized I felt. It was a perpetual cycle that seemed impossible to stop. Finally through the help of my family, a few close friends, my wonderful therapist and the doctors I had who cared for me and believed me I began to realize that being angry was not going to make me any better. Being a victim and acting like a victim was not healthy. I had to make a choice: would I continue to feel sorry for myself and what I couldn’t do or would I focus on what I could still do? My choice was to focus on what I could do and to try to find things that made me happy. I surrounded myself with my new grandchildren and their unconditional love. I began to try to sew again after years of being too sick and unable to handle the stimulation of shapes and patterns. I was still a wife, mother, sister, and daughter despite all the changes that had taken place in me. I struggled for years after my illness with my identity. (I will elaborate more on this in another post).
I hope that anyone dealing with severe illness or some other tragedy is able to look beyond the anger and get to a place where they can forgive and allow themselves to pull out of the victim role and begin a healing journey. Anger has its place but continued anger is not healthy and is bad for soul.