Catch Up Mondays – Comparing this illness with cancer – revisited

This was originally posted on July 12, 2012.  Again, I stress that I am not minimizing anyone’s battle with cancer.   I was lost and no one seemed to truly understand what I was going through because what I was going through was not accepted or understood like cancer.

Back in the middle of this illness as I was losing friendships, losing my self and realizing not very many people really understood what I was going through, I began comparing my illness to someone with cancer.  What I wrote was in no way meant to minimize cancer (I have had my fair share of cancer scares.).

Not it’s not cancer

            Cancer patients take treatments and either

                        are cured or die at the end of so many months

            I don’t want to have cancer

            I don’t want the treatments but am not

                        afraid to die

            I will not die but how much

                        better will I get – there is

                        no answer

            No, it’s not cancer

            It is mold and chemical sensitivity

            Cancer patients, at least in the beginning,

                        can go out to the mall, to movies, to visit a friend

                        go on trips and stay in hotels

            I cannot go do all these things

                        and when I finish treatment

                        my limitations will not change

            It is not cancer

            Cancer patients are understood

                        because their disease is understood

            My disease is not understood by

                        many

            Few can fathom the world I have

                        been forced to live in.

            Few can understand that mere mold

                        can be so devastating

            It is not cancer

            My body is not ravaged by it

            My body has been ravaged

                        by mycotoxins – which

                        ironically can cause cancer

            I will not die and leave

                        this world for a spiritual one

            I will leave this world for a world of

                        shelter, loneliness, and isolation

            I will give up my “things” for ones

                        less beautiful and comfortable

            I will give up my pictures and

                        collections in trade

                        for their memories

            I will give up my lunches out with the girls

                        for a bowl of beans at home

                        by myself

            No it is not cancer

            But a different sort of cancer has taken

                        my life away and left me

                        caged and feeling very alone

A friend who also has suffered with the ravages of mold exposure and the loss of friendships, dealt with the isolation, and fought back recently sent me the following link.  While the link deals with what to expect when you are diagnosed with cancer, a lot of the same things apply to having this illness.  I was truly moved by what the author wrote.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jeff-tomczek/cancer-advice_b_1628266.html

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4 responses to “Catch Up Mondays – Comparing this illness with cancer – revisited

  1. When I first was disabled by MCS my son said at least you don’t have cancer. At the same time I had a positive pap. I understood everything you said. Luckily I don’t have cancer after 4 retests. I still do have MCS — when I started my blog I didn’t want it to me all about that — but apparently it is my purpose and with purpose comes passion and the defeat of loneliness. I added a page to my site today lifeinthecitywithafuture.wordpress.com listing bloggers that understand the isolation of invisible illnesses. I have added a link to your site. If for some reason you do not want the link just let me know.

  2. I have been told countless times by doctors, “Well, at least you don’t have cancer.”
    But my condition is still debilitating and isolating.

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