I Lose Words! Where do they go?

There has been quite a bit of talking the last few days from MCSGal and mcslearningtoliveadifferentlife about what our canary is and about losing words when in a reaction.  I posted this originally on June 23, 2012 and then posted it again in my Catch-Up Mondays on July 28, 2013 with the title At a Loss For Words.  I still lose words despite the length of time it has been since my original exposure at work.  I lose words during a reaction and when I am not in a reaction.  The mold just messed with my brain.  I have difficulty typing certain words.  Despite being able to write these words and spell them to you out loud I type them wrong every single time.  I want to type a blog post and not correct anything in it and let everyone see how I truly type before I take the time to go back and make corrections. One of the words that I spell wrong every single time is you.  When I type it is always appears as yoiu.  I have been very far behind in posting new blog posts.  I have many ideas but just can’t seem to get myself back to the task of writing.  Instead I have been cleaning house, something that is routine and helps me deal with all that has happened.  I promise to be back soon in full swing soon.  In the meantime there may be some reblogs of some amazing bloggers I follow and a few extra Catch-Up Mondays.  

Don’t you just hate it when you lose or can’t retrieve the word you want from your brain?  Since becoming ill I have found it is a regular occurrence.  I will be talking to someone and in the middle of a sentence I can’t come up with the word I want to use.  Try as I might, the word won’t come.  Sometimes I have been successful by trying to find another word that means something similar.  In the middle of a reaction as I was in yesterday, I was hard pressed to come up with the other word.

What was the word you say?  I don’t know.  I still don’t know.  I was trying to convey how when dealing with someone I would just respond very vaguely without giving either a yes or no answer.  As I was searching for the word I became tearful.  I tried and tried and finally came up with equanimity (calmness, poise, serenity, self-possession).  It seemed to work but wasn’t really the word I wanted to use.  Maybe I was wanting to use apathetic (showing little or no emotion, indifferent, not interested or concerned).  As I am writing this definition I think that is the word I wanted to use.

As hard as I try to retrain my brain by reading, crossword puzzles, etc. I still lose words in conversation even more so in the midst of a reaction.  I still find when I type that I transpose the same letters in certain words over and over again even though I know how to spell the words.  Yesterday when I was in the reaction my handwriting became hard to read (see picture for a sample of my handwriting in my journal during a reaction) and I spelled things wrong, my right hand became very cold and I had a much harder time expressing myself.

I have been told that mold mycotoxins can damage brain cells.  Sometimes you regain some of the processes you lost but usually not all of them.  When I was first exposed to mold (didn’t know it then) I would take phone messages and then look at them and realize they didn’t make sense and have to re-write them. Sometimes my boss would come in and ask me what the message meant even after I am sure it had been rewritten.  My handwriting was also deteriorating .  At the time I would become frustrated over this but it never dawned on me that something serious was going on with me and my brain.

17 responses to “I Lose Words! Where do they go?

  1. Do you think crosswords help?

  2. Andrea Haarazi

    I found so much if this in me

    how ironic…

  3. Andrea Haarazi

    They’re ya go


    Sent from my iPad

  4. Hi Kathryn
    I’ve had the same basic problem you’re describing. I’ve got multiple blogs running at the same time. I’ve got one here on WordPress.com A second major blog on BlogSpot.com with a third as part of my website on WEBS.com
    What I do is to first write my blog entry in Word so the VAST majority of possible errors can be found, I then copy/paste the entry on ALL THREE of my sites. Once it has been pasted in place, I then proceed to add any photos, book covers, etc as well as tweaking it as needed depending on the site I’m on. Each site is somewhat different so as I’ve just said the tweaking needing to be done will also be different.

  5. It is discouraging to think that the brain is involved with MCS but I have seen information recently that documents brain changes and/or differences between people with and without MCS.
    This video (http://sensitivetochemicals.com/chemical-sensitivity-video/) has some info on the brain.

  6. i do this too! Sometimes it’s like a physical feeling of having a box in my brain with that bit of knowledge in it and I can feel and see it’s there but I just can’t get into it. Fascinating in a way but very frustrating.

  7. Pingback: Day 173 In the Pursuit of Love (The Right Thing) | Life in the City with a Future

  8. The human brain has remarkable regenerative abilities. Don’t give up on your brain. It can relearn through repetition.
    I have found with doing crosswords and math puzzles, reading paper books (reading on the computer isn’t the same) that my word and math problems are better. I still have problems when I’m tired, in a lot of pain or anxious; but it’s nothing like it used to be. I think that adding the magnesium supplement may be helping a tad as well.

  9. Thank you. I will try to not give up on it completely. I need my magnesium IV.

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