I’ll take a little “rat poison” with that!

Well I have officially been on Warfarin aka Rat Poison for three days to treat my partial deep vein thrombosis (DVT). I am patiently, or not so patiently, awaiting the results of my first INR blood work (basically the clotting time of my blood while on Warfarin). Depending on the number, my dose of medication may need to be adjusted.

My husband and I spent two hours in the car outside the local ER when I took my first dose of 5 mg. on Tuesday. My doctor said if I had no reactions I could take an additional 5 mg.  If I didn’t feel comfortable doing that, she said to stay at 5 mg. until my first test. It was 7:30 by the time my 2-hour wait was over. I was taught back in Dallas with my energy work that I could ask my body if something was good for me.  After working with things I knew were safe and getting no specific response, I began using bananas (anaphylactic) and mushrooms (mold). Both times I got this incredible whonky feeling in my head. I went back to something that was safe and no response. Finally I asked if I should take another 5 mg tablet.  Again, I got the whonky feeling in my head. I decided to keep my dose at 5 mg. until my results come back today.

The difficult part is making sure that I don’t overdo on foods with Vitamin K. My biggest difficulty is going to be my green tea. I am not sure exactly how much I can take without causing too much interference with my INR levels.  I want to dose to my diet and not the other way around.

It is very possible that I will be on this “rat poison” for six months. I am not sure how it will affect my LDA treatments either. I have emailed my doctor to see if this is going to be another issue I have to deal with.

My right leg is still swollen and painful. I can stand in the kitchen or walk around for short periods and then find myself needing to prop up my leg and add some heat to it. I can sit here in the office at the computer as long as I keep my time limited as well.  It is so frustrating!!! I have so many things to do and everything is impacted by my darn leg and my DVT.

My time is up here in the office. I am off to elevate my leg and dream of a big glass of iced green tea.

 

What Is She Saying?

Today is day 11 of my “Spotlight” Author blog tour through Rave Reviews Book Club. I am being hosted by fellow RRBC member, Marlena Hand on her blog Life as I know It.

What Is She Saying?

I am not a part of this world
When I speak, strange
terms come from my lips
People look at me with my mask
as if I am an alien
Holed up here inside my room—
stripped bare of carpet

To read more of my guest blog post and learn what Marlena has to say, visit her blog using the link above.  Please take a moment to thank her for hosting me.

How Do You Celebrate The Holidays?

It is amazing being in the “spotlight” with Rave Reviews Book Club.  Today I am honored to be hosted by Loren Weaver.

Today, I have the honor to welcome Kathryn Treat to my blog for a word about her book, Allergic to Life. Kathryn is a Rave Reviews Book Club member and author. So, join the fun with Kathryn and me.

I am sure that most of your holiday celebrations do not include your family looking like this.

This was my first Thanksgiving after returning from Dallas and moving into my safe home. This looks more like a group of people at a painter’s convention than a family sitting down to a Thanksgiving meal. My family has done its very best to do whatever it takes to keep me from having reactions. Even if it meant wearing these lovely one-size-fits-all Tyvek suits (that one size being XXXL). These lovely Tyvek suits protected me from anything my family’s clothing might contain. …to read the rest of the blog post, please visit Loren’s website at the link above.  Please take a moment to thank her for hosting me.

Just Put Me In A Potato Sack

I am excited to announce Day 8 of my “Spotlight” Author blog tour with Rave Reviews Book Club.  Today I am happy to be hosted by Kenneth Kerr .  I am enjoying basking in the “Spotlight”.

Just Put Me in a Potato Sack

I was becoming more and more depressed at the fact that I had no nice clothes to Wear—or a need to wear them for that matter. In August (2004) I wrote, “I feel bad that I have no need for nice clothes. Hell, I could almost wear a potato sack I used to love to look nice—nice outfits with my jewelry, shoes, and hair done nicely and make-up on. Now I dress shabby, my hair is a mess, I don’t wear my pretty jewelry, I don’t wear any …to read more of my guest blog post, visit Kenneth’s blog and take a moment to leave a comment.

My Daughters Were Affected Too

Today is Day 7 of my Rave Reviews Book Club “Spotlight” Author blog tour.  What a week it has been!  I have had the most amazing blog hosts allowing me the opportunity to guest post about myself and Allergic to Life: My Battle for Survival, Courage, and Hope.

I am privileged to be hosted today by Suzy Turner from Fiction Dreams.

My Daughters Were Affected Too

It’s like I don’t have a life any more. My heart aches for my life back. I try to
Make appearances of things being under control but they aren’t. I can’t go
anywhere with the girls (referring to my daughters). I can’t take them shopping
any more. They say they understand, that it is okay, but it is not okay to me. I
want to do things with them again. My life has been taken away from me…My
heart is breaking. I feel like a part of me is missing and that I will never
get it back.

It was hard to cope with what my life had become. I could not fathom how my illness had affected my daughters. I was so wrapped up in my own pain, my own hurt, and trying to survive that I didn’t pay enough attention to how this was affecting my young daughters and their lives….To read more of my guest post, please click on the link above.  Please take a moment to leave a comment as well to thank Suzy for hosting me.

REVIEW: ALLERGIC TO LIFE BY KATHRYN CHASTAIN TREAT

I was excited to open my email and discover that a review of Allergic to Life had been done by Alex Jones and placed on his blog.  Alex also suffers from new found chemical sensitivities and did an excellent job reviewing and highlighting my book.  Please visit Alex’s Psykoscribble Blog and read my review.

I first met Alex through Rave Reviews Book Club where he is an active member, supporter, and reviewer.

Catch-Up Mondays: If I Only Had A Brain!!! – revisited

I originally posted this  on February 28, 2013.  I have been posting lately on how MCS affects the brain as well as re-blogging about what others have posted.  I have posted about the loss of words I experience and how I type words wrong consistently even though I can spell them in my head, spell them out loud and hand write them with complete accuracy.  Today for Catch-Up Monday, I am sharing the following post.

BRAIN FOG, BRAIN FOG, BRAIN FOG

I have talked about this so many times and have read posts from other bloggers talking about the wonderful world of brain fog.  I struggle with memory (short-term) and finding the right words when talking.  Worse yet if I am carrying on a conversation and get the slightest interruption, I have no idea what I was just talking about.  Sound Familiar?  This happened a few days ago with my friend Liz.  This time it was her trying to remember what we were talking about.  What did I do?  I started humming my theme song “If I Only Had A Brain” from the Wizard of Oz.  The only part I could truly remember was the title of it.  She couldn’t remember all the words either.  So to you Liz, here are the words.  Maybe next time we can actually sing it together rather than just hum it.

Lyrics to If I Only Had A Brain :

(Scarecrow)

I could wile away the hours

Conferrin’ with the flowers

Consultin’ with the rain

And my head I’d be scratchin’

While my thoughts were busy hatchin’

If I only had a brain

I’d unravel any riddle

For any individ’le

In trouble or in pain

(Dorothy)

With the thoughts you’d be thinkin’

You could be another Lincoln

If you only had a brain

(Scarecrow)

Oh, I would tell you why

The ocean’s near the shore

I could think of things I never thunk before

And then I’d sit and think some more

I would not be just a nuffin’

My head all full of stuffin’

My heart all full of pain

I would dance and be merry

Life would be a ding-a-derry

If I only had a brain

//

(Scarecrow) I could wile away the hours Conferrin’ with the flowers Consultin’ with the rain And my head I’d be scratchin’ While my thoughts were busy hatchin’ If I only had a brain
I’d unravel any riddle For any individ’le In trouble or in pain
(Dorothy) With the thoughts you’d be thinkin’ You could be another Lincoln If you only had a brain
(Scarecrow) Oh, I would tell you why The ocean’s near the shore I could think of things I never thunk before And then I’d sit and think some more
I would not be just a nuffin’ My head all full of stuffin’ My heart all full of pain I would dance and be merry Life would be a ding-a-derry If I only had a brain

//
[ These are If I Only Had A Brain Lyrics on http://www.lyricsmania.com/ ]

BRAIN FOG is like having my head all full of stuffin’. What do you do when you cannot remember a word?  Or when you get lost in the middle of a conversation?

I Lose Words! Where do they go?

There has been quite a bit of talking the last few days from MCSGal and mcslearningtoliveadifferentlife about what our canary is and about losing words when in a reaction.  I posted this originally on June 23, 2012 and then posted it again in my Catch-Up Mondays on July 28, 2013 with the title At a Loss For Words.  I still lose words despite the length of time it has been since my original exposure at work.  I lose words during a reaction and when I am not in a reaction.  The mold just messed with my brain.  I have difficulty typing certain words.  Despite being able to write these words and spell them to you out loud I type them wrong every single time.  I want to type a blog post and not correct anything in it and let everyone see how I truly type before I take the time to go back and make corrections. One of the words that I spell wrong every single time is you.  When I type it is always appears as yoiu.  I have been very far behind in posting new blog posts.  I have many ideas but just can’t seem to get myself back to the task of writing.  Instead I have been cleaning house, something that is routine and helps me deal with all that has happened.  I promise to be back soon in full swing soon.  In the meantime there may be some reblogs of some amazing bloggers I follow and a few extra Catch-Up Mondays.  

Don’t you just hate it when you lose or can’t retrieve the word you want from your brain?  Since becoming ill I have found it is a regular occurrence.  I will be talking to someone and in the middle of a sentence I can’t come up with the word I want to use.  Try as I might, the word won’t come.  Sometimes I have been successful by trying to find another word that means something similar.  In the middle of a reaction as I was in yesterday, I was hard pressed to come up with the other word.

What was the word you say?  I don’t know.  I still don’t know.  I was trying to convey how when dealing with someone I would just respond very vaguely without giving either a yes or no answer.  As I was searching for the word I became tearful.  I tried and tried and finally came up with equanimity (calmness, poise, serenity, self-possession).  It seemed to work but wasn’t really the word I wanted to use.  Maybe I was wanting to use apathetic (showing little or no emotion, indifferent, not interested or concerned).  As I am writing this definition I think that is the word I wanted to use.

As hard as I try to retrain my brain by reading, crossword puzzles, etc. I still lose words in conversation even more so in the midst of a reaction.  I still find when I type that I transpose the same letters in certain words over and over again even though I know how to spell the words.  Yesterday when I was in the reaction my handwriting became hard to read (see picture for a sample of my handwriting in my journal during a reaction) and I spelled things wrong, my right hand became very cold and I had a much harder time expressing myself.

I have been told that mold mycotoxins can damage brain cells.  Sometimes you regain some of the processes you lost but usually not all of them.  When I was first exposed to mold (didn’t know it then) I would take phone messages and then look at them and realize they didn’t make sense and have to re-write them. Sometimes my boss would come in and ask me what the message meant even after I am sure it had been rewritten.  My handwriting was also deteriorating .  At the time I would become frustrated over this but it never dawned on me that something serious was going on with me and my brain.

And the Winners ARE!!

Congratulations to the winners of my Blogiversery Giveaway.  I am very excited to announce the winners  and would like to thank everyone who participated.  The wonderful feeling of support I have been given by my followers over the past two years cannot be put into words.  I appreciate all of you more than you can know.

AND THE WINNERS ARE…

Dusty L. Schnur …Signed copy of Allergic to Life

Susi Lippuner…Signed copy of Allergic to Life

Marianne Sciucco …$20.00 Amazon Gift Card

Michelle Willms…Allergic to Life e-book

Rachel Meeks…Pair of hand embroidered dish towels

Rachel, when you read this post, please contact me so I can send you your prize.

 

Catch-Up Mondays: How am I ever going to live with Chemical Sensitivity? – revisited

This was first posted on February 9, 2013.  Since that time I have continued to blog and stand up for those of us with chemical sensitivities, environmental illness, and chronic illnesses.  I have published my book and made a valiant effort to get the word out about environmental illness and what it is like living in isolation and fighting to not only survive but find the courage to move forward and dare to hope that life will get better.  Thank you all for sharing with me your stories and listening to mine.

Someone typed this question into a search engine that led them to my blog. How do we live with chemical sensitivity? We have to put one foot in front of the other and trudge through the unknown of what does or does not work for us. We have to live with others (many in the medical profession) not believing that we could be reacting to even trace amounts of a chemical. We have to convince others to avoid chemicals and the wearing of fragrant products (which are loaded with man-made chemicals to produce these fragrances).

How do we live with chemical sensitivity? We become diligent in keeping our environment safe, learn to become an advocate for our own health despite the naysayers, and we learn to deal with isolation. The isolation is many times much harder than trying to convince a doctor that you are not malingering and you truly are reactive. We learn to deal with the “loss of self” that often accompanies the loss of friends who do not care to make themselves safe for you to be around them, the loss of a job as it is difficult to be a productive worker in a work environment full of chemicals, and the loss of our beauty and hair care products.

To live with chemical sensitivity you need to develop a “thick skin”. You need to begin to care more about your health and welfare than you do about what others are or are not saying (You can’t go to the mall shopping with me?  Can you at least go to lunch?  OR How are you? Is there anything I can do the help? How can I make it so that we can be together?). To live with chemical sensitivity you need to say I am going to fight, I am no longer going to be a victim, I will be a SURVIVOR! To live with chemical sensitivity you need to focus on what you still can do and accomplish and not allow yourself to dwell on what you cannot do or places you cannot go.

I have dealt with all these demons. I have dealt with the loss of friends but relished in those that have stayed around and made the effort to be able to be around me. I have dealt with the loss of a job and sitting at home wondering “who I was” and “what would I ever be able to do again”. I have dealt with the medical community (mostly the workers’ compensation doctors and thankfully not my medical caregivers) not believing my condition and stating that I had a somatoform disorder. I have thrown away clothes and learned to live with those that could easily be washed and dried rather than dry cleaned. I have given up my contact lenses in lieu of glasses because I cannot tolerate the chemicals in the lenses or the solution. I have given up coloring my hair and been forced to allow it to stay gray. I have let myself stay in the victim role far longer than I should have.

Slowly I have thumbed my nose at those demons. In place of a job I now have written a book  soon to be published about my life and started writing this blog where I have found so many comforting words and words of encouragement from others in my plight and from those who do not suffer from this affliction. I no longer focus all my attention on “who I was or what I did” and spend more time realizing that I am still the same person but with limitations (maybe a better and more caring person because of these limitations). I have learned that I am okay with my glasses and my casual clothing. I am mostly okay without my make-up and hair coloring. I now say that I am a SURVIVOR! I refuse to allow the victim mentality to swallow me up and make depression my constant companion as it once was, thus allowing me to be the victor not the illness or the depression.

I have sought out therapy, I have surrounded myself with the love of my family and those friends who have hung with me, I have found hair stylists willing to come to me and cut my hair in the backyard or to suit up in tyvek to come into my home and cut my hair, I have started sewing again and doing crafts that once gave me so much joy (using only products that I can tolerate) and I am telling the world what mold, mycotoxins and chemicals can do.

So – How do you deal with chemical sensitivity? You first choose that you are going to take control and do whatever is best for you despite those that are against you. You surround yourself with those that you can count on for love and support. You rebuild your life by doing what you can and not allowing what you can’t to control you. You fight to survive.  You fight to find the courage to continue on and you fight for the hope that you will be okay.  Then you stare those demons of depression and victimization in the face and tell them NO! NO, I WON’T BE A VICTIM! I AM A SURVIVOR!

For those of you following along or new to this blog: How do you live with chemical sensitivity?